Thoughts on "May Batang Umiiyak Habang Kumakain ng Pancake"
"May Batang Umiiyak Habang Kumakain ng Pancake" is a prose poem which is a vignette or a snapshot of a moment. At the same time it poses a question of emotions. Mother and baby, with their own reasons for crying. The child is hungry and the the pancake cannot fill up the hunger. The mother, too is despondent, being thrown out of house, perhaps; being more despondent because her child's crying, definitely; and of not being in control, or of having no control of her situation. The poem presents a scenario, and poses the question, which is sadder: the mother's situation or the child's need? Which is more immediate? Which fate is worse?
The poem succeeds on several levels. If it were structured with rhyme and meter, it would be longer, and might not have the same impact compared to what the poem presents right now. As a "snapshot" it is sufficient to show multiple levels or layers to a "story." And depending on the readers' bias, various stories could be told. This is not prose, as it leaves a lot to the reader to interpret; without introduction, denouement or climax, there is the crisis and the implied story, without telling the story.
Where the poem fails is in the cursory manner of presentation and the almost cavalier attitude to the (implied) problem. There is a picture presented, but it does not pull at the heartstrings. Or it does not have enough emotional appeal. I could be wrong, but the reader does not feel empathy or sympathy to the story. For this scenario the emotional appeal is important because that is what is being expected from this "snapshot." I cannot help but compare this with one of the chapters in "Like Water for Chocolate." Almost the same image, but from a different angle.
It is not very often that Edz writes a poem which professes to be of limited dimensions. Two of his earlier poems, "Halik" and "Bagyo", for instance, creates a scene then makes this an allegory for something else entirely. He does this cleanly with his poems, leaving you to wonder whether the "real" subject is the reference or the allegory. Contrary to what he usually does, or did, in this poem he does not appear to redirect the reader's attention. He writes a scene, a partial story, a framework, a snap, and leaves it there. And the reader is left to decide where the allegory is, or if there is any. (Hint: this is a poem by Edz, so if you know how he writes, you know where to find the reference. And if you read it twice, you'll find both of them.) Make no mistake, this is a poem by Edz, it has the same deliberate pace, attention to the proper word -- showing enough but never telling what it is; same multi-level of interpretation. But there is the hesitancy maybe borne of the different (or newer) format. Where others would have more action and detail to the background, Edz pulls back and limits the poem to the bare essentials.
With regards revisions, I have no idea where to start. And if I had written this, I wouldn't even begin, and I won't even try. Truth is, I'm not even sure I'm qualified to give a critique of this work from a poetic viewpoint. I am not an academician or a literary theoretician. I wish that the concept of the specific person of "Aling Josie" be expounded a bit. Maybe repeat the name another time. And may I suggest another line or sentence be added to "Kaya ngayon umiiyak ang anak mula nang inihanda, niluto at inihain ang pancake. Tuluyang umalat ang lahat."
If I were asked about a shortlist, sad to say, I might not include this. Aside from the lukewarm emotional appeal, this is not within Edz's comfort zone.
This is the first time Edz has posted a prose poem. His former posts ("Kasi Daw Valentine's" in particular) had always been clear with the images used. In this instance, it seems that he tried to cut back on describing the scene down to its bare essentials, and I think this parsimony was due to the poem format. Good description of the action, though. Another point to consider is that with this poem, he's trying to move outside of his comfort zone. Few writers are brave enough to do that. And for me it's refreshing that he has taken to challenging his own self.
All in all, this lives up to what I'd expect from a poem by Edwin Padillo. Maybe, as a matter of taste, it needs just a little more empathy. But that's just me.
--andoy
PS: Edz, maraming salamat sa tula.
--same
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Above was first posted in the Pinoy Poets' Yahoo Groups.
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--andoy
15 April 2006
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